she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
