But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
