She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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