so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
