Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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