Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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