shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
