You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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