what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
