If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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