she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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