yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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