god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
