The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
