So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
