Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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