you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
