i just wanna soil my oats bro
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
