Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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