I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
