I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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