i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
