i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
