it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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