im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
