If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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