He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
