we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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