I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
