I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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