you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
