dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
