You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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