There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
