ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
