i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
