SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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