I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
