Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
