I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
