look no pants
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
