I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
