Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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