isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
