That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
