I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
