Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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