My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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