god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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