I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
