Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
