..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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