Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
two words: eviction party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
