im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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