Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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