just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
