wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
