My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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