I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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