if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
