Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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