Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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