I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
