it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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