He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
