rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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