just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
