is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
