she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
