sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
