you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
