Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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