He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
