Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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