I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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