I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
