I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize