I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
