so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
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He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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