ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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