my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
