I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
