I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
