why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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