I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
