Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
