tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
